i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
