Small penises have feelings too.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
