Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
