you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
