so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
