I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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