I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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