Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
