If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
