I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
