woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
