I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
