he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
