if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
