He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
