Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
