smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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