I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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