Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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