wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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