Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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