Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
