Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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