Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
