it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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