This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
