**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
