I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
