i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
