She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
