You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
