Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
