new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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