When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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