Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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