my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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