I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
