Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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