I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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