New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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