I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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