turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
