You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
