The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
