I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
