Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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