Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
