i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
last night I used snow as a chaser
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