I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
