the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
