She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
