didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
